The Shoe Leather Express

Writing and Comedy from James Harris

Month: May, 2012

The Queen’s Republic

For the Diamond Jubilee

I wonder if the Queen ever asks herself
If there should be queens,
Women who incorporate privilege
And live off ancestral gains.
I suspect the Queen has asked herself
And concluded there should be queens,
But if the Queen’s a republican
It’d be pleasing indeed.

Picture by Michael Gwyther-Jones used under Creative Commons licence

America could switch to horseshit powered economy

Chicago, Illinois. Bertis Cresswell, Head of the Chicago Horseshit Alliance, has a vision. ‘Everyone knows we need to make the transition to a clean energy economy,’ he says at the Alliance’s Downtown headquarters, ‘and horseshit is the secret ingredient in that.’ Indicating a stack of newspapers and magazines in way of illustration, he states that no other developed nation produces as much horseshit as the U.S. ‘The media gassing, the airy gossip of our citizens, our self-inflating justifications for deadly military escapades: all rich sources of horseshit,’ says Cresswell. ‘In 2011, just the horseshit talked about President Barack Obama was enough to meet the energy needs of the entire Pacific Northwest.’ Particularly horseshit rich states include Arizona (horseshit about immigrants), California (horseshit about celebrities) and Texas (horseshit about climate change), not to mention Montana (horseshit from horses). ‘We reckon America could run entirely on horseshit by 2050,’ Cresswell goes on. Supporting horseshit in the energy mix would be bullshit and talked crap.