The Shoe Leather Express

Opinion and satire

Category: Uncategorized

The United States

Over the course of that brief civilization certain trends emerged: a preponderance of skyscrapers, hyperactive modernity, and a valorization of the personal automobile. Parking lots dominated and at the end of its second century important regional centers emerged. These formed an excerpted America amongst the endless massif central of imprecise nothing and farmland overlaid by roads. Metal capsules propelled hopeless optimists into the hearts of these cities; meanwhile a certain residual respect clung to property and the written word.

It was a nation of individualists, with its good – endless self-realization, refusal to form herd mentalities – inextricably bound up with its bad – repulsive selfishness, exurban sprawl. Here the logical consequences of human life conceived of as a personal adventure could be observed, as well as the intense congress of people of diverse origins. Somehow this endless diversity in material goods and personal attitudes resulted in a sense of great sadness in me. In order to understand whether this sadness was personal or American I left where in fact it might have been better to stay.

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Interview about English comedy in Berlin

My posts on this blog have been non-existent, mainly due to an old-fashioned conventional need to keep the wolf from the door. But my good friend Alan Nothnage recently interviewed me about doing English comedy in Germany and its inherent absurdities, and I’m happy to link to it here.

http://open.salon.com/blog/lost_in_berlin/2013/02/06/berlin_europes_surprising_comedy_capital

The ‘Not Obama’ Vote

Mitt Romney’s sashay to the Republican nomination continues unabated, despite him apparently being what we call in British English ‘something of an arse.’ Yet what is his election strategy? It appears that his main argument until now that he is not Barack Obama. And the argument is undeniable: he is indeed not Barack Obama. Look at the photographic evidence:

Photo by Jessica Rinaldi under a Creative Commons license

Photo by Pete Souza under a Creative Commons license

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nobody could look at these two photographs and say ‘the man on the left is Barack Obama.’ For one thing, Barack Obama is black and Mitt Romney is white, a small but, even in post-racial America, significant detail which will surely remain true even until the general election. Only if Mitt Romney begins dressing as and/or impersonating Barack Obama will this brilliant tactic become confusing for the average voter. What would complicate matters still further is if before the election, Mitt Romney changed his name to ‘Barack Obama.’ Faced by two identical names on the ballot paper, even the most-hardened ‘Nobama’-sayer might struggle to figure out which meant the real Obama (the one he hated) and which the other (the Barack Obama formerly known as Mitt Romney). A numbering system or some kind of acronym could perhaps make this more clear.

 
However, Romney has to be careful this tactic does not backfire on him, as it is also undeniably true that the majority of Republican candidates for the Presidential nomination can also say, and say confidently, that they are not Barack Obama. For example, what if Newt Gingrich hits him with a campaign ad with the slogan ‘I Too Am Also Not Barack Obama’? And surely Michelle Bachmann, now out of the race, could also have claimed to be, by dint of her gender, even less like Obama than all the ageing white men who surrounded her. Furthermore even the radical fringe of American politics could appropriate the slogan: surely, for the Occupy Wall Street movement, even better than ‘We are the 99%’ is ‘We are not Barack Obama’,  true as it really is for all Americans – except one – rather than just 99% percent of them.

 
It’s time the non-Obama majority made their voices heard. Only in doing this can we achieve the solution to the ‘Cold Civil War’ now raging in America: all American citizens should run for office against Barack Obama, under the banner of what they each share, namely not being Barack Obama. Even though I myself am neither an American citizen, nor live in America, nor even know where America is, I can safely say that I am not, nor have ever been, Barack Obama.  Even to a displaced Anglo-German like me the slogan rings immediately true. I did not go to Harvard Law School, nor try to learn Spanish. And did the rest of the world? From the lowliest Chinese peasant farmer to the confused Welsh house-husband who has just lost all his worldly possessions in a fire, we can all unite as global citizens to say with great confidence: ‘We are not Barack Obama.’ Only one man is. Though some of us are slightly more like him than others.

No we're not! (Image xedos4/Free Digital Images)

The helicopter project

London. - The helicopter project received the green light today, business sources indicated. “We’re all very happy to have the required funding,” said Dave Witless, project leader. The 747 billion project will lift the British mainland up by helicopter and relocate it at a mid-Atlantic standpoint safely away from its continental neighbours and closer to the USA. ‘We’re think it’ll be better this way – lots of space for us, and no more accidentally picking up French radio,” said J Bull, the project’s initial architect. Protests have been raised from Scotland that the highland country should be detached first, or at least deposited somewhere with better weather.

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